Ryo Learns to Cry
by Etaleah
Summary: He didn't understand. He'd only lost one duel and his world had been shattered. Luckily Fubuki was there to help pick up the pieces.


**Set during season two, when Ryo is in the Pro Leagues and before he meets Saruyama. As to whether it's a pairing, you can interpret that how you wish.**

_Hmm…if I summon my Cyber Dragon, I can use my Photon Generator Unit to sacrifice it and the one I already have on the field to summon Cyber Laser Dragon. Its ability will destroy his Sword Hunter, and then I'll- _

"Hey, loser! Just go already!" an angry voice jeered from the crowd behind him. Ryo cringed and clenched his teeth, trying not to lose focus as numerous insults were hurled his way.

"Yeah! We all know your cards aren't worth crap, so why don't you just give up?" another shouted.

"Well, Marufuji?" his opponent taunted. "Ready to lose yet another duel?"

Ryo felt heat creep into his cheeks and didn't dare take his eyes off his cards. He knew he had a winning move. If he could just keep from getting distracted, he could pull it off, and then people would leave him alone. Maybe they would even start cheering for him again. Yes, he thought, running the move through his head again. He just had to summon his Cyber Dragon and then…

But that thought was immediately lost as something heavy connected with the back of his head, splashing cold fluid all over him, dripping down his neck and hair and staining his white uniform. He whipped around and kicked the empty drink container to the side in frustration, trying hard to ignore the shouts of laughter encircling him.

Sometimes losing a duel in a Pro League arena felt more like being trapped in a cage at the circus.

He turned back to his cards. He'd show them. Now he just had to…what had he just been about to do? He bit his lip and stared hard at his cards, trying to regain his train of thought. Something about a Cyber Dragon and...and…he could barely hear himself think over the roar of the crowd and knew he had to do something fast.

"I sacrifice my Cyber Giraffe to summon my Cyber Dragon!" the crowd booed loudly as his monster shimmered to life on the field. "And then…well, I…guess I end my turn."

"You idiot!" someone sneered. "He'll wipe that Cyber Dragon off the field with one blast!"

"You bet I will! Sword Hunter, attack!" Ryo cursed himself repeatedly for his carelessness. How could he have forgotten that Sword Hunter had higher attack points than both his Cyber Dragons? At the very least, he could have summoned his dragon in defense mode. As soon as his life points hit zero, he shoved his deck in his pocket and silently left the arena, eyes on the ground so he wouldn't have to look at the hundreds of people flipping him off and calling him a failure, a loser, a nobody, etc. Unfortunately he also didn't see the trash being thrown at him either, so by the time he finally made it out of the packed arena, his uniform had a few more stains on it.

_I don't understand. I just can't seem to duel like I used to anymore. I haven't won a single duel since Edo Phoenix defeated me…not even against amateurs. _Before, he'd always known exactly what to do, no matter what his opponents threw at him. Now he found himself questioning and second guessing his every move. In hindsight, he should have realized that just because he'd graduated valedictorian at the world's top dueling academia, it didn't mean he'd never lose. As he shuffled on home, he wondered if maybe he wasn't cut out for the pro leagues after all.

The walk home was always long. It had never seemed that way before, but now everywhere he looked, he was surrounded by tabloids, reporters, cameras, replays on shop TVs of his duels, and disgusted spectators who at one time had loved and adored him. Some people even made a point of crossing the street when they saw him coming.

On nights like this, he always felt like he had a fist in his chest, like someone was squeezing his heart too tightly and was refusing to let go. His eyes would sting and his nose would suddenly get runny. Sometimes his vision blurred a little bit and he'd have to shut his eyes tightly and open them repeatedly to clear it. This illness, or whatever it was, had gotten more and more frequent over the past couple of weeks, and for some reason, it was worse this night than usual. When a passerby roughly pushed him aside, muttering the word "loser", he felt the fist tighten in his chest, and he had to stop to sniff and blink several times. He began to wonder if he was coming down with something. When he finally made it back home, he felt a tap on his shoulder just before he entered his apartment. He turned around slowly and faced his landlord, who looked pissed.

"Look, kid. You haven't paid rent for two months now. You told me you'd win tonight and you'd have the money. But I saw the results and it looks like you lost. Again. Would you care to explain how you plan to get that money?"

The fist in his chest squeezed harder. "I'm sorry, sir. Maybe my next duel-"

"I don't want to hear that anymore. The way things are going, it sounds like there may not even be a next duel. I want that money by next month or you're out of here. Got it?"

"Yes sir," Ryo whispered, his voice slightly shaking. As the landlord turned to leave, mumbling angrily to himself, he noticed his lips were quivering and his eyes felt watery.

_I probably just need some sleep, _he thought, and unlocked the door to his apartment, pushing it open slowly.

"Hey there," a familiar voice called softly. Ryo jumped and whirled around at the noise.

"Who's there?" he demanded.

"It's me, Fubuki." Confused, Ryo flipped on the light and turned to see the voice was indeed Fubuki, who grunted and shielded his eyes at the sudden change in lighting.

"What are you doing here?" He didn't even bother asking how Fubuki had managed to get into his locked apartment. During their first year at the academia, his friend had snuck into several people's rooms, boys and girls alike. Truthfully, he would have been surprised if there was a room Fubuki couldn't get into.

"I was taking a trip to the mainland to do some shopping and whatnot, and I thought I'd drop in and see you. I came by earlier, but you weren't here. In fact, you haven't been here all day."

"I was…out." Actually, he'd been dealing with sponsors and agents who no longer wanted anything to do with him after ten losses in a row, which was part of the reason why he hadn't paid his rent yet. He sniffed again and rubbed his eyes.

Fubuki's eyebrows furrowed. "Hey, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Ryo answered a little too quickly. "Listen, I…I didn't exactly know you were coming, but I guess if you don't have a place to stay, you can sleep here and I can sleep on the couch."

"Thanks, but you don't have to give up your bed; the couch is fine for me. But Ryo…are you sure you're okay? You look like you've been crying." He got up from where he'd been sitting on the bed and walked closer to Ryo, gently cupping his cheek. For once his brown eyes were worried and sympathetic instead of bright and cheerful.

"What?" Ryo asked, startled. "No, I haven't been crying."

"But your eyes are all red and puffy, and you sound really sad. If something's wrong, you can tell me. What else are buddies for?"

"I haven't been crying," Ryo insisted. "I'm just tired; I want to go to bed."

"If you say so," Fubuki said, though he didn't sound convinced. "I just need to change clothes and then I'll hit the hay with you." He grabbed a bag from the corner and shut the door to Ryo's bathroom. Ryo pulled off his white uniform, black turtleneck, and black pants, tossed them into a pile on the floor-he was too tired to put them in the hamper like usual-and changed into a black T-shirt and pajama pants. He climbed into bed and curled up under the blankets, almost in a fetal position. He really hoped the fist in his chest and the sting in his eyes would be gone by morning.

The bathroom door opened and Fubuki waltzed out in his Hawaiian pajamas. "Well, good night, Ryo- whoa, what happened to your uniform?"

"What about it?"

"There's stains all over the back of it. And it reeks. What the heck did you eat? In all the time I've known you, you've never gotten a drop of food on any of your clothing."

Ryo didn't answer. His eyes were beginning to feel watery again and he could feel a lump forming in his throat.

"Ryo?" There was the sound of someone moving around, and the mattress dipped slightly as Fubuki slowly lay down next to Ryo, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him closer. "Ryo, what's wrong?" His voice was unusually gentle.

"I told you nothing, now leave me alone," Ryo insisted, but his voice cracked. And Ryo's voice never cracked. Suddenly his eyes were wetter than ever and he was trembling. Fubuki shifted so he was facing Ryo and pulled him closer, forcing him to make eye contact.

"Ryo, stop," he whispered firmly.

"Stop what?" Ryo snapped in frustration.

"Stop trying to choke it all back. Just let go. You can cry. It's okay."

Cry? Ryo blinked, puzzled. He didn't cry. Marufuji Ryo never cried. Even as a child, he'd rarely shed tears over anything. Even after Fubuki disappeared, leaving a huge hole in his life, he'd still kept everything he was feeling inside. Crying was something that girls did. Crying was for people like Shou who wore their hearts on their sleeves. People like Ryo did not cry.

Fubuki didn't seem to understand this, however, as he gently pressed Ryo's head against his chest and rubbed his back. "I mean it. Don't try to keep everything bottled up anymore; it's not healthy. Just cry."

Ryo sighed and clutched Fubuki's arms as he felt the first few tears begin to fall. His shoulders bucked up and down against his will and a sob escaped his throat. Fubuki's arms tightened around him, and from that point on there was no resistance. Big, salty tears that had long been pent-up finally ran freely down Ryo's cheeks, and once they started, they refused to be stopped. Every time Ryo tried to breathe deeply and regain control, more tears would escape, and the cycle would start all over again.

Crying hurt like hell. Ryo's body wracked with sobs, and though he tried hard, he couldn't suppress the moans and occasional hiccups that followed. He hated this, crying like a little baby. It wasn't even really crying; more like wailing, and while he was grateful for Fubuki's comfort, he hated that his friend was seeing him like this. He couldn't even understand what was causing this sort of meltdown; just because he'd lost a few duels and had been called a few names by people he didn't even know was no reason to get so upset. He was the Kaiser, he didn't care if people threw trash at him or pushed him around. As long as he kept his respect, he was okay; he could still win duels and turn everything around.

He wanted to think that. But he just wasn't sure. And it was this uncertainty that was killing him, that scared him. Not knowing whether he would ever be able to salvage what was left of his dueling career, or even pay his rent before the landlord kicked him out.

Throughout that long hour, Fubuki's hands were never still; stroking Ryo's hair, rubbing his back, wiping away tears, caressing his cheek and hands. Eventually the sobs began to grow quieter until they ceased. When at last the fist in Ryo's chest was gone, the entire front of Fubuki's shirt was wet with tears and snot. But he didn't care, he just kept holding his friend and murmuring soothing words in a low voice. Ryo tentatively hugged him back and rested his head against his chest, breathing deeply and finding comfort in hearing the gentle beats of his heart.

There weren't enough words in the world to express how grateful he was for Fubuki at that moment. Just knowing that there was at least one person who didn't think Ryo was worthless made him feel like a weight had been lifted off his chest. He exhaled slowly as his hands relaxed and lay limply at his sides and his eyes, bloodshot and puffy, began to glaze over and close as his head sank into the pillow. Fubuki pulled the covers over his shoulders and lay down beside him.

"Fubuki?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. And remember, no matter what those other people say, you'll always be a winner to me."

It was dark, but Fubuki could have sworn he saw a smile grace Ryo's face as he settled down to sleep. Fubuki mentally patted himself on the back for a job well done; he knew the moment he'd seen Ryo's face on TV that night that his friend needed him. Looking back, he decided he'd made the right decision in abandoning the guys at the hotel and rushing over to Ryo's apartment. Though he'd never expected that Ryo would be this upset, and his heart ached for him. Fubuki hated seeing people unhappy, and as such, he often made it his mission to cheer them up. He closed his eyes, and an hour later, he had a mental list of things he could do the next day that were guaranteed to put a smile on Ryo's tearstained face.

He smiled. Though Ryo would never know it, Fubuki knew his best friend a lot better than he thought.

Even Kaiser needs a little bit of love every now and then.

**A/N: I know a lot of people are going to say this is out of character for Ryo, but honestly I don't think it is, and I'm not just saying that because this is my fic. He did look pretty depressed at the beginning of episode 65, and I think too often people treat him as superman, and he isn't. He's just as human as the rest of the characters; he makes mistakes just like they do.** **And obviously the losing streak upset him a lot, or the whole Hell Kaiser thing wouldn't have happened.**


End file.
